There are plus or minus 10 animals that are inherently monogamous-- humans are not of them. We grow up being told that one of the main goals of life is to find a "soul mate" or "the one" and spend our life with that person making babies and sharing in an exclusive partnership together. But why? It used to make a lot of sense for survival purposes, but in today's society, how much sense does it really make? Think about it.
In ancient times, monogamy was created among humans to ensure survival. A pregnant woman was not able to hunt very efficiently, and when her baby arrived, she had to stay behind to care for and breastfeed the child-- the man was not able to do this (no breast milk). The man wanted his bloodline to continue, so he would hunt for and protect the woman he impregnated and their baby. It started off like a basic trade off-- you enter into an agreement with a healthy, dependable person so you could procreate, grow your gene pool, and have protection for you and your family. The man and the woman needed each other for these reasons and it just made sense to stay with the same person to avoid complications. The idea of romantic love being apart of marriage did not come into play until much later.
Today, women and men are both capable of raising children on their own. We have resources available to us that make this possible. So we do not NEED marriage like we have needed it in the past. Marriage does offer security and stability, which is not to be overlooked, and of course there are many successful marriages filled with love and work wonderfully. But it is not for everyone, and that's okay. We are humans and we are not naturally monogamous-- we enjoy experiencing different partners throughout our lifetime. Think about people who cheat in relationships-- I am NOT condoning cheating, and I do believe that anyone who has made a commitment to another person should honor that commitment. However, why do so many people have tendencies to cheat? As a society, we mentally mark them with a scarlet "A" and call them selfish. Which they very well may be. But if monogamy was so innate to humans, would we be slipping up this much? Would we continue to have these high divorce rates or be unphased to news of people cheating on one another?
This idea also can be relative to slut shaming. Single people who sleep around or have promiscuous tendencies are largely looked down on by society. But why? Humans have polygamous tendencies, as do a majority of animals, and that also means we have the urge to have sex. If you're not in a relationship, you still have those urges and there is nothing wrong with fulfilling those urges. It is healthy to explore your sexuality as long as you are being safe and not harming anyone.
I realize that much of what I have discussed can be argued with religious beliefs. I respect all religions, however, I am coming from a place of biology and my own subjective thoughts, so take it with a grain of salt. Just something to think about.
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Categories
Good, bad. Gay, straight. Right, wrong. Conservative, liberal. Categories. Our society is always looking for ways to squeeze us into these categories; some of which are impossible for us to fully embody. And even though we each become aware of how complex our personalities and minds are, we submit to this idea that you need to choose one. Are you good, or are you bad? Are you gay, or are you straight? Were you right, or were you wrong? Are you a conservative, or are you a liberal? Most people have an answer prepared for each of these questions and gladly let themselves be confined by the boundaries of their categories. We think, for example, "If I am good, I can't be bad... how can I rationalize this 'bad' decision or action to keep within my identity?"
This type of psychological dilemma is called cognitive dissonance. This occurs when you have conflicting ideas, feelings, or thoughts. I like to refer to it as, "The battle between the head and the heart," because oftentimes, you are struggling to rationalize between what you logically think is correct (based on prior knowledge) and your emotions. I believe that these categories are a huge contributor to cognitive dissonance. Think about it. When we are young, the people who raise us tell us what categories we "belong" in-- religion, gender, sexuality, political views-- and anything that threatens that makes us defensive, as if counteracting ideologies will personally threaten ourselves and our families. I personally do not identify myself as a Catholic or a republican, however, those ideologies are apart of how I was raised. And even though I know it is completely okay and wonderful for people to be able to express negative or opposing opinions about Catholicism and the republican party, it still makes me feel defensive.
So, why do we have to choose one? Why does it matter? I believe that categories and stereotypes of these categories do have benefits. They help to quickly distinguish if you have commonalities with people you first meet. Can you imagine going on a first date and having to explain your complex feelings, ideas, or personality traits with someone new? It is easier and probably more efficient to use these categories to help describe ourselves. On the other hand, how much should we let them define us? That is what we need to be thinking about. Question everything. And not in an annoying, over-the-top, overly-analytical type of way, but in a way that helps you to figure our who you are outside of and beyond the categories.
Everything is on a spectrum. Traits, gender, sexuality, spirituality-- no one is 100% one thing. You are limiting yourself if you buy into the idea that you are. You have heard that everything is not black and white; there is gray. With each trait you have, every category you have ever put yourself into, you are closer to one side or the other, or most likely floating somewhere in between. And that is okay. That is beautiful. We are all so different and complex-- that is what gives us the drama in life. I encourage everyone to embrace their fluctuations in these categories. Yes, the patterns help to guide us and the people around us. But it is like anything; take it with a grain of salt and don't let yourself be hindered by the categories you put yourself in. You don't have to be gay, straight, or even bisexual, for example. You have your preferences, sure, and a lot of people are comfortable, or even take pride in labeling themselves as one thing. And that is fine, but you don't have to. Be brave enough to explore outside of your comfort zone and embrace your contradicting feelings before your immediately dismiss them. You are not a hypocrite; you are being true to yourself. As long as you believe in what you are doing, regardless of if it is looked down on by society or your peers, you are being real. Real is beautiful. Think about it.
This type of psychological dilemma is called cognitive dissonance. This occurs when you have conflicting ideas, feelings, or thoughts. I like to refer to it as, "The battle between the head and the heart," because oftentimes, you are struggling to rationalize between what you logically think is correct (based on prior knowledge) and your emotions. I believe that these categories are a huge contributor to cognitive dissonance. Think about it. When we are young, the people who raise us tell us what categories we "belong" in-- religion, gender, sexuality, political views-- and anything that threatens that makes us defensive, as if counteracting ideologies will personally threaten ourselves and our families. I personally do not identify myself as a Catholic or a republican, however, those ideologies are apart of how I was raised. And even though I know it is completely okay and wonderful for people to be able to express negative or opposing opinions about Catholicism and the republican party, it still makes me feel defensive.
So, why do we have to choose one? Why does it matter? I believe that categories and stereotypes of these categories do have benefits. They help to quickly distinguish if you have commonalities with people you first meet. Can you imagine going on a first date and having to explain your complex feelings, ideas, or personality traits with someone new? It is easier and probably more efficient to use these categories to help describe ourselves. On the other hand, how much should we let them define us? That is what we need to be thinking about. Question everything. And not in an annoying, over-the-top, overly-analytical type of way, but in a way that helps you to figure our who you are outside of and beyond the categories.
Everything is on a spectrum. Traits, gender, sexuality, spirituality-- no one is 100% one thing. You are limiting yourself if you buy into the idea that you are. You have heard that everything is not black and white; there is gray. With each trait you have, every category you have ever put yourself into, you are closer to one side or the other, or most likely floating somewhere in between. And that is okay. That is beautiful. We are all so different and complex-- that is what gives us the drama in life. I encourage everyone to embrace their fluctuations in these categories. Yes, the patterns help to guide us and the people around us. But it is like anything; take it with a grain of salt and don't let yourself be hindered by the categories you put yourself in. You don't have to be gay, straight, or even bisexual, for example. You have your preferences, sure, and a lot of people are comfortable, or even take pride in labeling themselves as one thing. And that is fine, but you don't have to. Be brave enough to explore outside of your comfort zone and embrace your contradicting feelings before your immediately dismiss them. You are not a hypocrite; you are being true to yourself. As long as you believe in what you are doing, regardless of if it is looked down on by society or your peers, you are being real. Real is beautiful. Think about it.
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